10 April 2025
Bedford Ian has been looking at recent goings on across Bedford Borough (did anything exciting happen this week?) and has told us what he thinks of it all.
Universal credit
I’ve been keeping a close eye on all the noise around Universal Studios coming to Bedfordshire, and there’s one thing I can’t help but notice: the sudden rush of politicians jostling for the spotlight like it’s the final of Strictly Come Claiming Credit.
Read: Breaking news: Universal Studios UK gets green light for £50bn Bedford theme park opening 2031
Now, no one’s saying that councillors, MPs and mayors past and present haven’t played their part. Of course they have. But let’s be honest with each other, this project has been years in the making.
In that time, we’ve seen a change in the Bedford Borough Council mayor and leadership and a whole new UK government.
So unless someone’s got a time machine tucked away in Borough Hall, they can’t honestly expect us to believe it was all down to them.
What’s been consistent throughout all this is the council and government officers, advisors, planners, and professionals who have been quietly doing the hard work in the background.
The ones who are too busy getting things done to post dramatic victory selfies on social media.
And yet, here we are, watching political egos inflate like the rubber rings at Universal Studios Florida’s Volcano Bay.
The people who shout the least have usually worked the hardest. So instead of clapping along with the credit-grabbers, let’s raise a colourful Hurricane 5 cocktail (IYKYK) to the quiet grafters.
The ones who’ve been pushing the paperwork, checking the legislation, organising the meetings, and crunching the numbers for the greater good of Bedford, no matter which party is in charge.
Unibedford Studios
With Page Thompson, president of new ventures at Universal Destinations & Experiences, promising there will be “elements of local culture and history” at Universal Studios UK come 2031, I’m wondering what he could be planning.
So, I’ve taken it upon myself to suggest a few attractions that might better reflect local life. After all, if we’re going to put Bedford Borough on the global theme park map, we might as well do it properly…
The Embankment Log Flume
Experience gentle thrills and occasional flooding as you glide past a lovingly recreated Butterfly Bridge, complete with unexpected goose attacks and a suspiciously green splash zone.
Parking Panic: The Multi-Storey Maze
Navigate the baffling signage and spiralling ramps of Bedford’s infamous car parks. Can you find the one working pay machine before your time runs out? Bonus points for managing the app.
Ford End Road/Prebend Street Roundabout Racers
Brace yourself for this high-speed white-knuckle ride through Bedford’s most white knuckle junction. Signal confusion, lane panic and sudden swerves included. Fun for the whole family – if they survive.
River Festival: The Ride (Now You See It…)
Climb aboard for a nostalgic, splashy celebration of Bedford’s summer pride and joy… that ends suddenly and without warning. Riders are ushered off into a quiet family picnic area, featuring warm squash and mild confusion.
Mayor’s Office Drop Tower
Plunge into the dizzying highs and lows of local leadership! Featuring sudden U-turns, refund requests, and confusing public statements that may or may not be retracted mid-ride.
Runaway Train (Delayed)
Start your virtual journey full of hope and potential at a faux version of the Station on Ashburham Road. Then sit back and enjoy an immersive waiting experience as your train is delayed, replaced by a bus, and then a consultation. Realistic and occasionally apologetic.
Bonus attractions
- Goose Chase: Live! – A chaotic interactive experience where guests must dodge flapping and honking geese while trying to protect a picnic. No safety briefing. No survivors.
- The Bureaucracy Bunker – Navigate a 14-stage planning application with moving goalposts, disappearing paperwork, and a final boss battle against a determined group of local NIMBYs. Armed with folding chairs, handwritten petitions, and extremely strong opinions about traffic, they’re not going down without a fight.
Food and Drink Experiences
Because no theme park is complete without something to munch while you wait in line (and wait… and wait…)
- The Bedford Clanger Café: Serving sweet and savoury pastries, all in one confusing but delicious tube. No one really knows where the sweet bit starts. It’s the lucky dip of dining.
- Howard Hall Carvery: A no-frills, but humane, full-roast prison dining experience named in honour of one of Bedford’s most famous sons, prison reformer John Howard. Complete with passive-aggressive tray slides and a tense stand-off over the last Yorkshire pudding.
- The Goose & Flume: A riverside pub with live honking and a water feature that occasionally floods. Famous for its seasonal “Why Is This Closed?” ale.
- Marston Mash-Up: All your favourite Bedfordshire villages on one plate. Woburn venison sliders, Ampthill artisan cheese sticks, and a Kempston kebab sampler. Served with a side of “we’re technically Central Beds” confusion.
- The Wixams Station Grill (Coming Soon): A sleek, modern food court concept that’s always about 18 months away from opening. It has great plans, solid branding, and no actual food.
If Universal really wants to reflect the heart of Bedfordshire, they know where to find me. I’ll be the one at the Mayor’s Office Drop Tower, asking to speak to a council spokesperson (Bedford Ian, 4 April 2025).
Universal gridlock?
If I had a pound for every time someone shouted “BUT THE TRAFFIC IN BEDFORD!” about Universal Studios coming to Bedfordshire, I could probably afford my own rollercoaster.
Yes, traffic’s been mentioned. Yes, it’s a valid concern. But did any of the shoutiest worriers actually read the story? Infrastructure plans are in place. Public transport is being upgraded. It’s not like they’re building Hogwarts on the High Street.
Some people seem to think visitors will be parking outside Goldings and nipping to the theme park via the Harpur Centre.
Honestly, do they think guests will be cruising past Bedford bus station en route to Jurassic World? Trying to find the Lost World somewhere off Ashburnham Road?
It’s closer to the M1 and A421 than the Corn Exchange, folks. No one’s driving through town to Fast & Furious drift around St Paul’s Square.
So here’s a radical idea: try reading the article before panicking in the social media comments.
You might be surprised by what you learn, and the rest of us might get a break from the traffic tantrums. Otherwise, we’ll be forced to build a Minions-themed roundabout just to absorb the chaos.
See you soon, Bedford Ian.
PS: If you see anything Bedford Ian might find amusing, let us know at news@BedfordIndependent.co.uk.
